tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post4700253069830377926..comments2023-10-30T08:40:59.016-04:00Comments on Wolfish Musings: Is Lying About One's Age Grounds For Breaking A Shidduch?BrooklynWolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03994285019137108636noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-30567436271534353912009-09-09T17:22:13.767-04:002009-09-09T17:22:13.767-04:00As i look at this page, you have a google ad for a...As i look at this page, you have a google ad for a Muslim dating service.PsychoToddlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00874353280798371891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-18257942373098453272009-09-09T11:37:20.313-04:002009-09-09T11:37:20.313-04:00Unhappy question. She began the relationship with...Unhappy question. She began the relationship with a lie, which pretty much establishes that she's willing to do that in order to advance her own interests.<br />It also suggests that she's interested in a man who would reject her for what might seem a bad reason-- if he's like that, does she really want him? If he's not, why lie?<br />I suppose the relationship could recover from this, but it's certainly off to an inauspicious beginning.Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15752938979399977997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-18226546896282721582009-09-07T06:44:07.546-04:002009-09-07T06:44:07.546-04:00It's funny that it's a woman lying about h...It's funny that it's a woman lying about her age here. When I was dating and for many decades afterwards (and yes, still now)the problem was the MEN lying about their age and making themselves younger than they really were so they could get the younger girls to go out with them. I guess the end result of all that lying was that many women the same age as or only slightly younger than these men ended up with no one to marry, so they too started lying about their age.<br /><br />Bottom line? Lying for a shidduch is wrong, whether about age or something else. Because the obvious assumption is that if they lied about something "small" like age, what else have they lied about or will they lie about. If a husband and wife don't have truth between them, why bother getting married? The marriage is doomed to problems.ProfKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17954446826821665314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-11473712396016030492009-09-07T01:13:01.162-04:002009-09-07T01:13:01.162-04:00MY sister, who is 25, was told by a Rebbe who she ...MY sister, who is 25, was told by a Rebbe who she went to for a bracha to lie about her age. I do not see that as being a productive way to begin a relationship.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-88384623298048140152009-09-06T22:07:22.862-04:002009-09-06T22:07:22.862-04:00I agree with you, Wolf. How can you trust someone...I agree with you, Wolf. How can you trust someone who lies or hides something like that? And if you don't have trust in a marriage, what kind of relationship can you expect to have? But I do have to point out in the interest of accuracy that 40 is not the cutoff point for fertility. Actually an ob-gyn informed me that fertility drops at 35, and they do subject pregnant older women to more tests. But plenty of women have healthy babies in their late 30's, early 40's and sometimes even beyond. A friend of mine who marreid rather late in life still had 2 children when close to 40 and just over 40.Ariella's bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09409352047101582583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-35563585377567714572009-09-06T02:47:35.911-04:002009-09-06T02:47:35.911-04:00Someone I know was encouraged to lie about her age...Someone I know was encouraged to lie about her age with the rationale that so many women do lie that it is assumed that all women do. And if she tells her real age then it will be assumed that she is lying and the guy will assume that she is older than she really is and not want to go out with her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-67384350116185736192009-09-05T22:46:04.522-04:002009-09-05T22:46:04.522-04:00The problem of the woman lying aside, how is it a ...The problem of the woman lying aside, how is it a good idea for a couple to get married when one of them wants to break the engagement?G*3https://www.blogger.com/profile/06104739087560005056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-16921648107505149422009-09-04T16:21:14.207-04:002009-09-04T16:21:14.207-04:00>In the specific case at hand, she said at the ...>In the specific case at hand, she said at the time of engagement that she was 28, yet when it came time for the wedding three years later (three years??!!), it turned out that she was 36 at the time.<<br /><br />It wasn't so long ago that people would get engaged and then save up money so that could establish their own home. I know my uncles did that 70-80 years ago here in NYC.<br /><br />When I was in Shidduchim, I'd sometimes get set up with girls who I just knew were much older than me and I resented it terribly -- especially since you can't confirm it by asking them.Dovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17890844424951008619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-63621388531749077162009-09-04T13:25:30.723-04:002009-09-04T13:25:30.723-04:00My gradfather never knew he was seven years younge...My gradfather never knew he was seven years younger than his wife! Back then, you know...הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"טhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04835340110056405173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-28092641307354530332009-09-04T13:21:42.173-04:002009-09-04T13:21:42.173-04:00Hey Wolf,
No I didn't mean that the Chelkas Y...Hey Wolf,<br /><br />No I didn't mean that the Chelkas Yaakov would have forced him to break the shidduch.<br /><br />If he was okay with her lying about her age, why would he have asked the shailoh in the first place?Garnel Ironhearthttp://garnelironheart.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-91359930850080696082009-09-04T12:50:45.462-04:002009-09-04T12:50:45.462-04:00Rami - the Torah sanctions lying for a good purpos...Rami - the Torah sanctions lying for a good purpose - e.g, how Hashem reports Sarah's behavior to Avraham, or midrashically how Aaron would make peace between two people having a dispute. <br /><br />Whether claiming one is 26 when one is actually 30 is for good purpose is arguable. Perhaps the woman thought that once the guy got to know her he would love her in spite of her age. On the other hand, this particular age difference is very important with respect to having children, as opposed to saying you are 50 when you are 55 or whatever.Larry Lennhoffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06578073969473815180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-36848929582764782322009-09-04T12:47:26.702-04:002009-09-04T12:47:26.702-04:00In the Wooster stories as well, once Bertie was en...In the Wooster stories as well, once Bertie was engaged he was stuck unless the girl called it off. But he was stuck for life - the idea of getting married and immediately divorced would never have occurred to him.Larry Lennhoffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06578073969473815180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-59993816412510903822009-09-04T12:32:51.640-04:002009-09-04T12:32:51.640-04:00Larry,
What you say is true. However, in some ci...Larry,<br /><br />What you say is true. However, in some circles, an engagement is taken very seriously -- hence the custom of the t'naim (which used to be done [and in some circles is still done]) at the engagement.<br /><br />I've heard stories (but none I can back up with actual facts) of couples in chassidish circles who, rather than break an engagement, go through with the wedding and then get divorced after sheva brachos.<br /><br />The WolfBrooklynWolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03994285019137108636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-81753234211360261782009-09-04T12:27:45.213-04:002009-09-04T12:27:45.213-04:00I guess my thinking is still way too secular. A s...I guess my thinking is still way too secular. A shidduch is an engagement, not erusin. It can be broken at any time by either party for any reason or none. The women in particular should revel in this - once bound in holy matrimony they lose the ability to end the relationship unilaterally.Larry Lennhoffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06578073969473815180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-17858491559289217292009-09-04T12:19:52.911-04:002009-09-04T12:19:52.911-04:00I agree with the post and brought down some commen...I agree with the post and brought down some commentary on matzav but as usual there are idiots on there who would claim that the great sages are better than Torah. It clearly says in the Torah that lying is wrong and any person who goes against Torah prior to a wedding should be grounds for a dissolution of that engagement. <br /><br />So the question here is middot and if she lied then that shows her true character.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15102957358916405661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-2282920741784697232009-09-04T12:18:36.599-04:002009-09-04T12:18:36.599-04:00Garnel,
I don't watch Arrested Development, s...Garnel,<br /><br />I don't watch Arrested Development, so I can't comment there.<br /><br />However, your explanation is a bit forced. Do you really think that if she lied and he's okay with it (i.e., he didn't think 28 or 36 mattered) that he would *have* to break the engagement? If the true age didn't bother him, why would he even ask the question in the first place?<br /><br />The WolfBrooklynWolfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03994285019137108636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-91796566078091097672009-09-04T12:14:45.881-04:002009-09-04T12:14:45.881-04:00Wasn't there an episode of "Arrested Deve...Wasn't there an episode of "Arrested Development" about this?<br /><br />Anyway, if one partner is lying about something, what else will he/she lie about in the future?<br /><br />Perhaps we can understand the Chelkas Yaakov as saying there is no obligation to break the shidduch but I'm sure the final decision is still up to the groom and his comfort level.Garnel Ironhearthttp://garnelironheart.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com