It's The Summer... Which Means It's Time Again For The Biannual Visiting Day BellyAche

It's comforting to know that there are some events  that are so certain to occur that you can set your clock (or calendar) by them.  One of those events is the annual letters/complaints in the frum media about camp visiting day.  This one comes to us from Matzav.com.  A reader writes:

On the issue of visiting day in summer camps, for the most part, the men have been in favor of abolishing visiting day, while mothers and grandmothers are often up in arms over even suggesting something as horrible as not visiting their children. 

I am not going to take a side here. I will, however, share a shocking statement that someone made to me last Sunday, when I did not go to visit my children in sleep-away camp simply because it was too difficult for me to do so. The comment was, “Well, then, don’t be surprised when your kids go off the derech.” 

Huh? Dear Matzav readers, is this how far we have come? That my children will go off the derech because I did not shlep for three hours each way to visit them in camp? Have we lost our sanity?

Of course, his correspondent was being ridiculous.  Not visiting one's kids at camp on visiting day will not, in and of itself, send one's kids off the derech.  However, it does send a message to the child that s/he's not worth the shlep up for a few hours.

Personally, I find it difficult to understand how a parent can miss visiting day at camp.  Yes, granted, sometimes there are bona fide reasons for not going (medical emergency, must work, live an excessive distance away, etc.).  But to not go simply because you feel it is "too difficult" is, in my humble opinion, simply wrong.  It tells the kid that they are not important enough to bother yourself for a few hours.

My kids are older now, but when they were in camp, I made sure to make the shlep from the city to the country every visiting day.  Yes, there were times that I dreaded the trip itself, the traffic and the crowds, but I still went anyway.  It's important for kids to feel that they are wanted and appreciated.  Not going to visit on visiting day (again, absent some bona fide reason) just sends the message that they're not worth it -- even if that's not the message you're trying to spread.

And perhaps, the extra positive message that you send by visiting will help to keep them on the derech after all.

The Wolf

Not Answering The Objection

A common debate tactic  (especially, I find, in frum circles) is the practice of not actually answering an argument or objection, but instead deflecting it.  Very often, this takes the form of "don't you think Gadol X thought of that?"  or  "surely he knew about your objection but if it didn't bother him then obviously it's not a valid argument."  Personally, I find it infuriating when people do that, as it violates any number of logical fallacies.

A variation of this appeared today in a column on Vos Iz Neias.  Rabbi Yair Hoffman, a regular correspondent on the site, wrote a long article advocating stricter observance of the halachos of Bishul Akum in restaurants.  Bishul Akum is the rule that a Jew may not eat cooked foods (with certain exceptions) that were not prepared by a Jew.  This rule was enacted centuries ago as a preventative measure against intermarriage.

All in all, Rabbi Hoffman's article was cogent and well-written.  However, at the end of the article, he says the following (emphasis his):

A counter-argument. One might counter that in a restaurant setting, it is not highly likely that bishul akum would result in intermarriage. While this may be true, we must consider that the sages who enacted the protective fences of Judaism were much wiser than we are. Aside from the respect that we must have for halachah itself, there are also farther-reaching repercussions to consider. The issue of laxity involving the bishul akum of household help is serious and has, unfortunately, led to some serious lapses.

Here, Rabbi Hoffman raises a very powerful counter-argument for loosening the rules of Bishul Akum in restaurant settings.  Yes, Bishul Akum may work as a preventative measure against intermarriage in residential and social settings, but if I'm dining in a restaurant, I'm not likely to go looking to socialize with the chef who made my steak.

However, rather than address the very objection he raises, he simply goes ahead and pulls the "they're much greater than us so we can't question/change anything" card.  Personally, I find that very unsatisfying.  Perhaps the halachos of Bishul Akum *can* be relaxed in a restaurant, as modern restaurants didn't exist when these halachos were codified.  Perhaps there are valid reasons to continue to apply these halachos to restaurants.  Personally, I'm not enough of an expert to have a valid opinion one way or the other.  But if you're going to bring up the objection, at least answer it with a well-reasoned rational answer.  Rabbi Hoffman, on the other hand, chose to answer it with "they're so much wiser than we are..."  I find that to be a very poor answer.

Again, I'm not saying that the halachos of Bishul Akum should be loosened in restaurant settings.  I don't know enough about the halachos to make that sort of statement.  But I do know enough to know that if you're going to try to head off an objection that your opponents may make, you should actually try to answer that objection with valid arguments.

The Wolf

(PS:  Just for the record, I don't know if Rabbi Hoffman's suggestions vis-a-vis Bishul Akum are correct or not -- I'm not an expert in these halachos.  My main point is not the article itself, but his failure to address his own objection/)

PSA: Bone Marrow Drive -- Help Save a Life (Brooklyn, NY)

I was asked to post this as a public service announcement:

=======================================

 Save a life today at a bone marrow donor compatibility drive for

Mordechai Fastag לרפואה שלימה.

If you are 18-60 years old and have never been tested before please come in for a simple cheek swab test to check genetic compatibility to cure Mordechai who is suffering from Leukimia.

There are two venues for the test.  Both are in the Midwood section of Brooklyn:
For men @ Rabbi Landuas Shul corner of Avenue L and East 9th Street from 2 PM-11 PM

For Women @ 1325 East 5th Street Between Avenue L and M from 6 PM-10 PM

רחמנים בני רחמנים

Please have a heart and, possibly, save a life.

Can Someone Please Explain To Me The Big Fuss Over Daylight Savings Time In Israel?

It is being reported in the news that daylight savings time is being extended in Israel the end of October, as it observed in many European countries and in the United States.

The situation with daylight savings time in Israel has been a contentious issue for a number of years.  In past years, the religious parties fought to have DST end before Yom Kippur -- the reasoning behind it being that having one less hour during the end of the fast (i.e. ending the fast at 6:00 instead of 7:00) makes it easier for people.

Of course, the entire argument is nonsense.  The fast of Yom Kippur lasts approximately 25 hours, regardless of whether it falls during daylight savings time or not.  If you're going to end the fast an hour "earlier," then it's going to start an hour earlier too.  And the idea that the hour is somehow shifted from the end of the fast to the beginning is just as fallacious -- if you're going to feel a certain degree of hunger and weakness after 25 hours of fasting, then you're going to feel that same weakness at the end of the fast -- whether it's 6:00 or 7:00.

Furthermore, let's argue, for the sake of argument, that the chareidim are correct -- that the fast is somehow easier if it occurs outside of DST.  Well, there's a simple solution for that as well -- just pretend it doesn't exist.   During Yom Kippur, it's not like you have any outside appointments to keep, buses to catch or meetings to make.  On Yom Kippur, you're most likely going to be in only two places -- in shul and at home.      So, simply pretend that, for Yom Kippur, DST doesn't exist.  Turn your clocks back an hour (or simply pretend to).  If sunset happens at 7:00, you call it 6:00.  If you would normally daven Shacharis at 8:00AM on Yom Kippur, then start at 8:00 standard time (which would be 7:00AM DST).

It's not like there's an official government official going around checking the shul's clocks to make sure they adhere to DST.  So simply change your clock, or mentally subtract an hour from it for the day.  This way the chareidim can have Yom Kippur their way and everyone else can be on DST as they wish.

So, why is this such a political battle every year?

The Wolf

Will Recognizing Yeshiva Study As A College Degree Solve Problems In Israel?

UPDATE (5/13/2013):

Man, oh man, did I blow it with this one.  Obviously, I was completely ignorant of the nature of college education in Israel and just assumed it was like the US model.  Thanks to my commentators for correcting me on this.  I'll make sure my next post isn't nearly as flawed.

Original Post:
The following news item appeared on YWN:

MK (Yahadut Hatorah) Rabbi Yisrael Eichler presented a query to Minister of Industry & Trade (Bayit Yehudi) Naftali Bennett. He explained that Israel’s civil service does not recognize yeshiva study, and as a result, chareidim are barred from apply for many jobs. He explains they are told that since they lack a bagrut (matriculation) diploma and an academic education, they are not qualified to apply for civil service positions. Eichler feels that limud Torah should be credited as an equivalent for in most cases, the chareidim are indeed qualified for the public sector positions but lack the paperwork under the current requirements.

Rabbi Eicher certainly has a point.  Torah study (especially in Israel) should be no worse than studying history, music or art.  The study in many yeshivos can certainly be intense and there is no question that in the more elite yeshivos, the level of study could certainly qualify one for an undergraduate degree.

Rabbi Eichler then goes on to state that because yeshivos cannot issue degrees, their "graduates" earn less in the marketplace and this is a form of discrimination.

However, there are two problems that I find with Rabbi Eichler's query:

1.  Undergraduate degrees are designed to produce well-rounded students.  For example, an accounting major does not *only* study accounting.  In most universities, an undergraduate student has to take a set of courses in various subjects (English [in the US], history, arts, basic sciences, etc.) regardless of their major.  There are no accredited schools that I know of that give an undergraduate degree in Biology (just to pick an example) while allowing the students to only take Biology (and other science) courses.  To meet this requirement, a yeshiva would have to teach other non-Torah subjects as well to produce a well-rounded student - something I don't see most (if any) Chareidi yeshivos in Israel doing.

2.  Let me preface this part by saying that I could be wrong here simply because I don't know about Israeli employment matters -- so if I'm wrong, please feel free to chime in and let me know.

If I understand correctly, the Israeli government does not mandate higher salaries for college graduates.  If a company needs someone to answer phones, they are going to pay an employee whatever they feel is appropriate -- regardless of whether or not that person has a college degree.  Simply having a college degree does not necessarily produce higher salaries.  What produces higher salaries, ultimately, is a demand for the skills of the worker and the relative scarcity of those skills.  Simply possessing a college degree in Talmudic studies will generally not lead to higher salaries for that person (unless, of course, the person is applying for a job where their Talmudic studies are relevant and germane to the job).  Recognizing four years study as a college degree will not magically open up doors for chareidim in the marketplace.*

The Wolf


* That being said, I do realize that there *are* benefits that may come with simply having an undergraduate degree with regard to some government jobs and the ability to apply to graduate schools.  But I don't see many chareidim applying to graduate schools outside of the yeshiva system and I doubt there are enough government jobs to employ large swaths of the chareidi society.

Rabbi Manis Friedman on Being Molested (Get Over It And Move On)

This is part of the reason why molestation is a big problem in our community. 

No, the man in the video is not a molester.  To my knowledge, he has never actively  tried to shield molesters either.  But his attitude towards molestation is simply horrific.

In the video, he sits and jokes -- JOKES -- about molestation. He apparently believes that being molested is no big deal.  At one point he compares it to having a case of diarrhea.  At another point, he claims that it's worse to miss saying Al HaMichya (the blessing said after eating grain-based products) than to be molested.

It would be bad enough if the person were just an ordinary person.  However, this isn't just anybody.  The man in the video is Rabbi Manis Friedman, a prominent figure in the Chabad-Lubavitch community.  This is a man who is a leader in one of our communities. 

Personally, I find it repugnant that anyone can take the issue of molestation so cavalierly that he can smile and make wise-cracks about it.  I find it doubly so when they do so in public.  I also find it repugnant how he seems to feel that molestation victims have no right to be upset about what was done to them, or that it's no worse than having a teacher who unfairly picks on you.

Personally, I find it amazing that Rabbi Friedman takes this position.  About six years ago, Rabbi Friedman wrote an article making the implication that children conceived through IVF or other similar methods are spiritually and emotionally deficient.  He took the position that if a child is conceived in other-than-ideal circumstances (i.e. parents who are angry with each other or drunk at the time of intercourse, or worse, when there is no sexual intercourse at all), then the child born under such circumstances can be negatively impacted.  He stated that such children can feel unloved or unwanted.  He even speculated that much of the unexplained dysfunction that we see with children has its roots in the circumstances of their conception. 

I find it mind-boggling that Rabbi Friedman believes that the circumstances of one's conception, which the person cannot possibly know, feel or remember in any way, should negatively impact a him or her, but molestation, which the victim certainly knows, feels and remembers, should simply be brushed off as a lesson learned about whom to not trust. 

How anyone can be so clueless about molestation is beyond me.  The fact that he believes that molestation victims should just forget it and move on shows him to be incredibly ignorant on the subject.  The fact that he smirks and jokes about it shows him to be uncaring and unfeeling.  The fact that the leaders of our community can be so clueless and callous about it as to sit and crack jokes about molestation and its victims, goes a long way to explaining why molestation is still a problem in our community.

The Wolf

UPDATE:  (2/1/13 10:45 EST)  Rabbi Friedman has apologized for his remarks.  The full text of his apology follows.

I want to apologize for my completely inappropriate use of language when discussing sexual abuse. I have always believed in the importance of empowering victims of all kinds to move forward in building their lives. In my zeal to reinforce that belief, I came across as being dismissive of one of the worst crimes imaginable.For that I am deeply sorry. 

Molestation is a devastating crime, violating the intimacy and innocence of the pure and defenseless. The victim is left feeling that there is something wrong with the world in which they live. Perpetrators of molestation should be reported to the police and prosecuted appropriately. Any person, organization or entity that stands by silently is abetting in the crime.

From now on, I will make sure to make those points absolutely clear. This is about more than regret. The subject can't be neglected.

I hope over time to earn the forgiveness of those who were hurt by my words.

I'm Sure There's A Message...

On the lighter side of the news, it has been reported that the New York Yankees have signed third baseman Kein Youkilis to a one year contract.

The beginning of his career was described, in part, in the book Moneyball.  In the book, Youkilis is referred to as the "Greek god of walks." (Get it?  Youkilis -- Eucilis) by Oakland A's general manager Billy Beane.

So, you have a Jewish ballplayer described as the Greek god of walks signing a contract to play in the city with the largest Jewish population in the country during a festival which commemorates the victory of the Jews over the Greeks.

I'm sure there's some message to be learned out of this.  I just don't know what it is.

The Wolf

The Weberman Trial and the Mixed-up Morals of the Community

I've been following the Weberman Trial in the news and on Twitter the last few days and I must say, it's been quite... instructive, to learn about Mr. Weberman and his occupation, as well as what goes on in the Satmar community.

Just in case you're not familiar with the case, I'll present the basics here:

There was a girl in the local Satmar school was not conforming to the standards of behavior in the community.  The principal of the school ordered her parents to have her see Nechemya Weberman, a local "counselor."  They were also ordered to pay about $12,000 up front in fees to Mr. Weberman for his services.  Failure to comply would result in her being expelled from the school.

The girl saw Mr. Weberman over the next three years, from ages 12 to 15.  She alleges that, during that time, she was sexually abused by Mr. Weberman in locked-room sessions.  Mr. Weberman denies all wrong-doing with regard to the issues of sexual abuse.

However, there are several facts that are not in dispute, which make me wonder about the goings on in the community and with Mr. Weberman in particular.

Let's start with the fact that he took his "client" on a 14-hour trip to Monsey.  They took this trip alone and did not arrive back home until midnight.  Granted, this is no proof that any abuse took place on the trip, but I've got to say, it certainly does not pass the stink test, *especially* for someone in a community where separation of the sexes is such a high priority and where they take every practical precaution against unmarried/unrelated men and women being together. 

There is also the fact that, it came out in trial, that Mr. Weberman runs a non-profit organization.  He admitted on the stand that he used funds from the non-profit to pay for yeshiva tuition for his kids.  Prosecutors also showed that purchases from the non-profit went to purchase items at at least three lingerie shops. 

It was also confirmed in trial that the Williamsburg Va'ad HaTznius (Modesty Committee) exists (despite one defense witness's attempt to deny the existence of such a body, another defense witness confirmed it) and that they engage in practices such as invading the rooms of girls to look for (and confiscate) contraband, such as cell phones. 

In addition, there is also the fact that four men are now awaiting trial for witness tampering, bribing a witness and coercion, after they tried to pressure the girl into not pressing charges.  It is also alleged that they wanted to pay her and her then-boyfriend $500,000 to leave the country and let the matter drop.  There are also four other men who have now been charged with witness intimidation by taking photographs of her in court. 

You could easily argue that there are simply some bad apples in the community.  Yes, it's been shown that Mr. Weberman is not exactly what one would call a morally upright person.  In addition, it's very obvious that there are others in the community who are willing to break the law and do whatever they feel is necessary to prevent the case from running it's course.  But that doesn't speak to the entire community, of course. 

But there is one point which can be made regarding the leadership of the community.  It's something that I noted back when Shaul Spitzer was awaiting trial on arson charges for attempting to burn down a New Square house with its residents asleep in their beds.  It speaks to what the true values are of the leadership of the community and where they truly stand on the moral compass.

9000 schoolboys in Satmar were given a prayer to say for Nechemya Weberman and instructed to say it.  In short, they were asked to pray that this man, who has admitted to stealing charity money and  who engages in 14-hour trips alone with an underage girl.  Apparently, however, none of that matters to the leaders of the community, as they view him as an upstanding member of the community.  However, had he done something such as owned a television, shaved his beard, espoused Zionist beliefs, or even been seen eating Hebrew National hot dogs, he'd likely be written off as a bum or a heretic and not someone who is worthy of the time to utter a prayer. 

It's actions such as these that show the moral leadership of the community.  In New Square,  Aron Rottenberg found his daughters expelled from school for the "crime" of their father davening in another shul, yet Shaul Spitzer was welcome in the yeshiva following his arrest on arson charges.  It's almost incomprehensible -- daven in another shul, you're a social outcast; attempt to burn down a house with people sleeping inside -- you're welcome back to the yeshiva with open arms.  The moral values of the leadership of the community are so wrong that I'm just left to scratching my head in bewilderment. 

The same thing applies here with regard to this case.  You can steal from charity, you can do things that would otherwise shock the community and, as long as you had the endorsement of the leadership, you're a moral person worthy of the community's support.  But if you were to do something such as shave your beard, wear the wrong clothing or even own a TV, you'd be an outcast and a social pariah.

The mind just boggles.

The Wolf

Losing Sight of What's Important In Shidduchim

The Flatbush Jewish Journal has a regular column titled "Ask the Flatbush Shadchan" by Mrs. Chana Rose.  The following letter appeared in a recent issue.  Any typos are mine and mine alone.

Dear Mrs. Rose,

We have a fabulous daughter in shidduchim.  She went to the right schools, seminary, camps.  She is a baalas midos, involved in chesed, smart, focused, etc.  We are a balabatish family, also involved in the community.  After seminary in Israel, she opted to pursue her studies in Brooklyn College.  After much soul searching, asking hadracha, and much davening, we agreed to let her pursue her studies there.  Everything has been going well, except for the fact that she is not in shidduchim anymore!

She has found "Mr. Right," or so she thinks, on her own.  Now, what is she thinking?  We are not that kind of home, this is not how things are done, not in our family, not in our community.  Mrs. Rose, how can we allow this?  And if we do, how can we legitimize the situation so that it does appear to be a Shidduch?  Truth be said, he does happen to be a great boy.  However, we feel like the "rug has been pulled out from under us."  We did not have the option or privilege of checking him out nor his family.  We did not have the experience of setting that grand table in anticipation of a boy's arrival for a date.  We did not wait up for hours till she came home.  All the dating was done on school time.  We were presented with a done deal!  How should we proceed now?

This letter typifies one of the things that has gone horribly wrong with the world of shidduchim today.  This woman* is completely missing the forest for the trees.  The goal of shidduchim isn't to "set a grand table" or "wait up for hours till she comes home" or to have the "privilege" of checking out another family.  The point is to find a match that will make the bride and groom happy.  Everything else, if it needs to be done at all, is just secondary.  

In this letter, the daughter has found someone who will make her happy.  Furthermore, the mother even agrees that he's a great boy!  Instead of being happy for her daughter and her happiness, she's contemplating having her daughter throw it away ("How can we allow this?  And if we do...") just so that she won't feel cheated out of what she feels is her due (the ability to set the table, wait up for her, check out the family, etc.).  She needs to realize that the shidduch process is not about her and her ability to do these things, it's about her daughter and her daughter's happiness and future.  She's completely lost sight of this, and instead is  so focused on the little play rituals that go on that she's forgotten the end goal.

The Wolf

* At least I'm assuming it's a woman.  The letter sounds like it was written by a woman.

Did Someone Declare A Jewish April Fools Day and Not Tell Me?

I'm beginning to wonder if someone instituted a Jewish equivilant of April Fools Day and forgot to inform me, because, I'm having a hard time believing a story that VIN is reporting as fact.

As we all know, some chareidi men in Israel go to great lengths to avoid any possibility of contact between the sexes.  Among the measures that have been tried (with varying degrees of success) include separate sidewalks, signs telling women not to walk in certain areas at certain times, separate checkout lines (or even hours) in stores, and so on.

The newest development on this front has now arrived.  Someone in Israel has developed a pair of glasses that purposely obscure vision.  The glasses are designed to prevent the person who is wearing it from seeing more than three meters ahead.  If the person already wears glasses, they also sell stickers that you can put over your lenses to provide the same effect.

Normally, I would have a hard time believing that this could be true.  My first natural reaction is to dismiss this as a joke.  However, after what I have seen over the last few years, I have to say that I just don't know.

If this report is, indeed, true, then I feel very sorry for the direction that we are headed.  Aside from the complete absurdity of the concept of hindering one's eyesight, there is also the issue of public safety to deal with.  How does one know whether it's safe or not to cross the street if you can't see more than three meters in front of your face?  Does the admonition to protect yourself from physical harm no longer apply?

Personally, I find it very ironic that this news story is reported right after we read on Shabbos the verse of וּשְׁמַרְתֶּם, וַעֲשִׂיתֶם--כִּי הִוא חָכְמַתְכֶם וּבִינַתְכֶם, לְעֵינֵי הָעַמִּים:  אֲשֶׁר יִשְׁמְעוּן, אֵת כָּל-הַחֻקִּים הָאֵלֶּה, וְאָמְרוּ רַק עַם-חָכָם וְנָבוֹן, הַגּוֹי הַגָּדוֹל הַזֶּה.
(Rough translation:  and you will observe them [my laws] and do them, because they are your wisdom and knowledge in front of the nations that they will hear of all these laws and say "surely this is a wise and understanding nation.")

I find it hard to believe that a single non-Jew reading this story would think that, by doing this, we are being wise and understanding.  On the contrary, they will look at us and say "what a foolish people they are..."

The Wolf