tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post115194995206964650..comments2023-10-30T08:40:59.016-04:00Comments on Wolfish Musings: Are They Girls, Or Is It An Meat Auction?BrooklynWolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03994285019137108636noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-72671185794019094622007-05-25T00:48:00.000-04:002007-05-25T00:48:00.000-04:00You have two extremes the anti-marriage secular cu...You have two extremes the anti-marriage secular culture which states a woman doesn't need to get married and istead she should focurs 90% of her energy on career and on the other hand the brainwashing shidduk machine culture that want to marry any girl off who is over the age of 18. A balance is needed. <BR/>Women shouldn't feel as if their only goal in life is career and at the same time a woman shouldn't feel as if she's a piece of meat ready to be wed off to the first guy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1154114721415400842006-07-28T15:25:00.000-04:002006-07-28T15:25:00.000-04:00Unfortunately, this problem crosses all hashkafic ...Unfortunately, this problem crosses all hashkafic lines. I have blogged previously and often about the Upper West Side ( UWS) and how it has created a community of MO singles who basically have major committment and other issues that preclude many of them from finding their basherte. Today's NY Sun reported that a 25 year old Brandeis grad was so distraught over the end of a relationship that she fatally jumped from her apartment building RL. There are all sorts of "healing services" and a lecture by D D Pelcowitz at the Jewish Center. Perhaps, addressing the needs of singles is a tikun that we should undertake as a society this Tisha B'Av.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1153666458664256872006-07-23T10:54:00.000-04:002006-07-23T10:54:00.000-04:00My wife and I met 27 years ago on the UWS( Yes, Vi...My wife and I met 27 years ago on the UWS( Yes, Virginia, couples do meet there!)without a shadchan. IMO, shadchanim and other authority figures within any yeshiva are a help. However, if you know young men within a Beis Medrash who can frankly evaluate whether a potential shidduch has the requisite "midos and maalos", that IMO is more important than meeting a RY, Mashgiach or shadchan who reallly don't know the young men all that well. A good friend who knows both potential candidates well can often be a better shadchan than a formal shadchan.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152691256193049902006-07-12T04:00:00.000-04:002006-07-12T04:00:00.000-04:00>And they will stand in my front hall and make fac...>And they will stand in my front hall and make faces at my TV while I write the check.><BR/><BR/>PT, I'm sorry, but I'm laughing madly at the image of this. You, writing your check, and the schnorrer in the living room having a stare-down with your appliances.<BR/><BR/>But don't worry about it. Today I got a job! I'll leave you alone for a while.BBJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09939946821381798057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152541882133959052006-07-10T10:31:00.000-04:002006-07-10T10:31:00.000-04:00PsychoToddler - Here's a better place for your tze...PsychoToddler - <BR/>Here's a better place for your tzedakah money:<BR/><BR/>http://www.lancasteryeshiva.com/index.htmAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152290648178154692006-07-07T12:44:00.000-04:002006-07-07T12:44:00.000-04:00I never turn people away. Oops, did I just say th...I never turn people away. <BR/><BR/>Oops, did I just say that? All of you, ignore that last statement. I don't want none of you lining up at my house for handouts.PsychoToddlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00874353280798371891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152220551051474972006-07-06T17:15:00.000-04:002006-07-06T17:15:00.000-04:00>And they will stand in my front hall and make fac...>And they will stand in my front hall and make faces at my TV while I write the check. <BR/><BR/>I don't understand. Why would you write a check?<BR/><BR/>Tell them you gave all your tzedaka money to a kiruv program or a Talmud Torah.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152209963002469402006-07-06T14:19:00.001-04:002006-07-06T14:19:00.001-04:00This is all symptomatic of a larger problem in the...This is all symptomatic of a larger problem in the frum community--the dying infrastructure. As BW so eloquently put it, in these circles, getting a job that earns your family a parnossa is "pas nisht" and so these people are dependent on wealthy in-laws for support. <BR/><BR/>But when that generation dies (or goes into nursing homes or whatever), who will support this new, materialistic generation that is "above" working for a living? And who will their 10+ kids go to when THEY need money for marrying off?<BR/><BR/>Who?<BR/><BR/>To me, that's who. They will come to my door with some filthy papers and complain about how they have to marry off their 14th daughter and can't afford a dowery. And they will stand in my front hall and make faces at my TV while I write the check. <BR/><BR/>I don't see how this system can continue to support itself. If they can't get some sense knocked into them, they will die off.PsychoToddlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00874353280798371891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152209959465914952006-07-06T14:19:00.000-04:002006-07-06T14:19:00.000-04:00100% correct.100% correct.Jewboyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08192751655374816191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152157411630276982006-07-05T23:43:00.000-04:002006-07-05T23:43:00.000-04:00Lucky for me, I'm a working boy- living in Lakewoo...Lucky for me, I'm a working boy- living in Lakewood, noch- so none of this applies to me! I can date girls with poor or middle class parents because I"M going to be supporting HER (iy"H, of course). <BR/><BR/>Seriously, though, the modern shidduch scene is a humiliating and painful process and I will be glad when it's over- soon, I hope.The Chainik Hockerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03207746929747440827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152118929017024252006-07-05T13:02:00.000-04:002006-07-05T13:02:00.000-04:00This is how my father dealt with shidduchim:"I pai...This is how my father dealt with shidduchim:<BR/>"I paid for their education so they can get a job.<BR/>I will pay half of a wedding and the rest is up to the couple."<BR/><BR/>All of his sons and daughters were treated the same.<BR/><BR/>We worked, we got our own furniture, we paid the rent.<BR/><BR/>That is exactly how it will be with my children i"yh<BR/><BR/>Todays parents are negotiating with terrorist, in my opinion. And all they get for their efforts is even more complaints that the poor spoiled children are getting what they idiot friends are.<BR/><BR/>Like my wife likes to say, children think they are owed everything. We are here to break that cycle of dependancy.topshadchanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07153946018043229765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152111850875784752006-07-05T11:04:00.000-04:002006-07-05T11:04:00.000-04:00"Sigh. I cannot tell you how happy I am that I nev..."Sigh. I cannot tell you how happy I am that I never had to put up with the shidduch world. I was fortunate to meet my wonderful wife at a young age, before we ended up in the shidduch scene"<BR/><BR/>I was also very fortunate to meet my wonderful wife outside the Shidduch scene. However, I would make sure to put quotes around that word, "never" in the first sentence. Our eldest child is now reaching marriagable age and people who are just a few years ahead of us are already warning us about the current shidduch scene. Whereas meating people outside of that scene was still fairly normal, even in the frum world, 20 or so years ago (we met 22 years ago), things have changed today.<BR/><BR/>G-d Willing, get ready! <BR/><BR/>C.B.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152107004148625642006-07-05T09:43:00.000-04:002006-07-05T09:43:00.000-04:00Yeshiva Tuition - 8K per childKosher meat - $20 pe...Yeshiva Tuition - 8K per child<BR/>Kosher meat - $20 per pound l'mehadin<BR/>Matzoh - $15-18 per pound<BR/>Avg number of kids - 8+ by age 30<BR/>Large gas guzzling car to carry 10 people - $$$$$$$$$$$$$<BR/>Large house in a Jewish neighborhood anywhere - $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$<BR/>Summer Camp - $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ per kid<BR/><BR/>Gee, I wonder why people marry for money! And I wonder why people resort to criminal means to gain more money.Rebeljewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12134454584925044808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152077769283623922006-07-05T01:36:00.000-04:002006-07-05T01:36:00.000-04:00We, too, were fortunate enough to meet outside of ...We, too, were fortunate enough to meet outside of the shidduch world.<BR/><BR/>This unfortunately leads to stupid comments by some friends, including, "Well, you never had to shidduch date, so you can't relate." While this is true, that doesn't mean that I'm not qualified to state my opinion on the subject, when it comes down to common sense. (Don't reject a girl out of hand simply because she wasn't drop-dead gorgeous on date 1, don't say no because you weren't head over heels after 5 minutes, don't be concerned with stupidity that has nothing to do with her/him and whether you should continue to date/marry her/him.) It's disgusting to see the attitudes people have towards dating, as if it is some kind of "impress me" contest, whether with money, looks, or a combination of both.<BR/><BR/>I don't understand how any "market" could get this way: If a person wishes to learn full-time, that should mean that they are willing to sacrifice to do so. That <I>should</I> translate into not necessarily being able to date anybody they want because someone may not be willing to make that sacrifice to support their husband full-time (perhaps they want to be home with their children more). Instead, they have somehow "flipped" the market, to the point that not only is sacrifice not automatic, but no longer even a thought. Those who wish to learn are somehow holding the girls for ransom instead of sacrificing even an iota of comfort.<BR/><BR/>With all the stories told yeshivish circles about the sacrifices people made in the past in order to learn, where did this idea that one not only need not sacrifice, but can actually profit from learning and not working? It's disgusting to see what this has done to the shidduch world.Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1152027313232058052006-07-04T11:35:00.000-04:002006-07-04T11:35:00.000-04:00I don't think that one should be ashamed of needin...I don't think that one should be ashamed of needing financial help or accepting it from ones family. Everyone wants to be independent, but, with the way the world is today, many people can use a helping hand. The problem is more when one makes this a critereon for marriage..or when one just expects someone to do for them "just because".<BR/>Ben Avuyah, my parents also helped us to buy the house that we currently live in. We were already beginning to search for a house to buy, when my father and mother offered to help us so that we would be able to afford something that was somewhat better than our own means would allow for. We didn't ask, they offered. And it was kind of hard to accept said help, but we were still both thankful and grateful that it was there. I am very thankful for all that my parents have done for us over the years, but I never demanded it or expected it of them. I know that my Hubby would have wanted it otherwise, but he also agreed that it would make our purchase of a home a lot easier to do. Sometimes one needs to know when to accept a helping hand as well. However, one should never EXPECT said hand to be given, or chas v'sholom, demand it as a right.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1151985408672313642006-07-03T23:56:00.000-04:002006-07-03T23:56:00.000-04:00I actually felt a bit of shame when my in laws hel...I actually felt a bit of shame when my in laws helped out a bit when my wife and I bought a house. I cannot really imagine living off of someone else's hard earned wages. The fact that this is now standard fare and tied unapolegetically to matrimony is a shame. If torah study really results in excellent midos, how come we have policies of outright dowries/financial garauntees returining into the arena of marraige in teh frum community?Ben Avuyahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08814145983874592449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1151975771511320592006-07-03T21:16:00.000-04:002006-07-03T21:16:00.000-04:00The culture of that world has become very sick, an...The culture of that world has become very sick, and until it changes, it will produce even more sickness.The Jewish Freakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00959225860182589944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1151972188788165702006-07-03T20:16:00.000-04:002006-07-03T20:16:00.000-04:00Thanks for the link. Glad you are back blogging. ...Thanks for the link. Glad you are back blogging. <BR/><BR/>There is no question that finances are important (more about the compatibility of spending and saving than actually having), but a person who bases only person's worth on that alone is sure to have a miserable marriage.Orthonomicshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07892074485262548496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1151962002030213562006-07-03T17:26:00.000-04:002006-07-03T17:26:00.000-04:00Thank you! I think it's absolutely ridiculous for...Thank you! I think it's absolutely ridiculous for people to consider themselves ready for marriage without any kind of means for supporting themselves, completely relying on the girl's parents for financial support. And the guys who will turn down a girl because of her parent's bank account doesn't really know what Torah is about, so he shouldn't be learning full time as it is.Shoshanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07365142117481675663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11425059.post-1151959076764479422006-07-03T16:37:00.000-04:002006-07-03T16:37:00.000-04:00We'll stated. Glad to see you're blogging again. ...We'll stated. Glad to see you're blogging again. From your blog to the frum world's ears!!!Neil Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12797772082427806345noreply@blogger.com