The annual discussion of whether or not it is proper to go to a hotel for Pesach has once again reared its head -- this time in the YWN coffeeroom.
Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Eeees and I don't go away and, truthfully, cannot picture it. For us, Pesach has always meant staying at home (or with friends or family). Even if we had the money to go away we probably wouldn't.
But that's just us. For others, going away for Pesach is "their thing," and I just don't see anything wrong with it. Every year I hear all sorts of arguments against the practice, but I have yet to find one that makes any sense. Two years ago, Dayan Shalom Friedman suggested that it's wrong to go away because you won't clean your house. I posted about that at the time and showed how that argument was totally without merit.
Another popular argument that arises is that the money could be better put to use in charity. As one commentator in the thread suggested:
With so many people out of work, and people needing to take from Tomche Shabbos to put food on the table, wouldn't it be tremendous if every person took the thousands of dollars they spend on a hotel and gave it to tzedakos that need it desperately?
Perhaps, perhaps not. However, there are two problems with this suggestion:
1. I think it's a bit galling to tell people what to do with their money. The commentator has no idea how much tzedaka the people who go to hotels give. Perhaps they've already met their obligations regarding tzedaka? Who is he to tell them that they have no right to spend some money on self-enjoyment?
2. The commentator is worried about people out of work, but he doesn't seem to realize that by closing down the Pesach hotel industry, a lot of people will be thrown out of work. I'm fairly certain that this provides a nice chunk of the annual salary for a number of people.
3. Why stop at Pesach hotels? Why not tell people to buy the cheapest esrog they can find for Succos and put the rest towards Tomche Shabbos? Does he take his kids on a trip on Chol HaMoed? Perhaps he should cancel the trip and explain to his kids that others need the money more. Does he buy flowers for his wife on Shabbos? Perhaps he can do with a single stem (or none at all) and give the rest to tzedaka? Who *really* needs music and flowers by a wedding? A wedding can be perfectly, 100% kosher according to all opinions without them. Perhaps that should be given to tzedaka too? And on and on it goes. In other words, if you're going to tell people they can't spend money on X because it can be put to better use in charity, then why not carry it to its logical conclusion and simply say that everyone must turn over every discretionary penny they have. Of course that's not what the commentator meant, but why not apply his principle there as well?
Of course, the more I think about it, the more I come to realize that perhaps going away to a hotel for Pesach *is* the authentic Jewish thing to do. After all, in the times of the Beis Mikdash, you went away for Pesach *every* year (unless you lived in Yerushalayim).
The Wolf
Showing posts with label Pesach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pesach. Show all posts
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Friday, March 14, 2008
Is Pesach In A Hotel Wrong?
Heck, it's not even Purim yet and we're already discussing Pesach. :)
Dayan Shalom Friedman, a rav in England, says that going away to a hotel on Pesach is bad because it takes people away from the task of cleaning their homes. As reported in The Jewish Chronicle:
The holiness of Pesach “rises with the many preparations that you perform before the festival,” he says in a letter circulated to the Charedi community.
Another quote from the article:
Dayan Friedman, the son-in-law of the former head of the Union, the late Rabbi Chanoch Padwa, said that a local hotel might be an option for people not well enough to make Pesach.
But “chas vashalom [Heaven forbid]”, he wrote, that people “should be tempted by the adverts to celebrate the holy festival in a far-away country on a beach with all the conveniences and royal service”.
Personally, I think it's a case of "different strokes..." Eeees and I are not the "hotel for Pesach" types. Even if we had the money to spend (which we don't), we wouldn't go for it. We feel that Pesach is best spent at home with family and/or friends and not in a hotel with a thousand other people. But that's just us. I have close relatives who *do* go away for Pesach to hotels. For them, it's okay. Who's to say that my way is the only way?
If Dayan Friedman is against hotels because of the environment, or the expense, or whatever, then he should just say so. Casting it in light of "... it bad because you won't clean your house" is, IMHO, fallacious. Ask yourself this question: if my parents lived in Chicago, and Eeees and I chose to go to their house for Pesach, would he *really* object and say "no, you should stay home and clean?" My guess would be no - he probably would not have any objections.
In addition, there's also the issue that arises from the fact that he clearly has many, many rabbanim who disagree with him. Who are these rabbanim, you ask? Well, they're quite easy to find... just open up the Jewish Press and look at the advertisements for Pesach getaways. Just about all of them feature who their scholars-in-residence are... and for some of these places, those scholars are "big name" scholars. By casting his remarks as he is, he is also casting aspersions on those rabbanim as well.
The bottom line is this: it's up to each family to decide how they want to spend Pesach. Provided that they aren't actually violating any issurim, just let them be. You may think (as I do) that it's not the ideal way to celebrate Pesach... but don't project your preferences upon everyone else.
The Wolf
Hat tip: VIN
Dayan Shalom Friedman, a rav in England, says that going away to a hotel on Pesach is bad because it takes people away from the task of cleaning their homes. As reported in The Jewish Chronicle:
The holiness of Pesach “rises with the many preparations that you perform before the festival,” he says in a letter circulated to the Charedi community.
Another quote from the article:
Dayan Friedman, the son-in-law of the former head of the Union, the late Rabbi Chanoch Padwa, said that a local hotel might be an option for people not well enough to make Pesach.
But “chas vashalom [Heaven forbid]”, he wrote, that people “should be tempted by the adverts to celebrate the holy festival in a far-away country on a beach with all the conveniences and royal service”.
Personally, I think it's a case of "different strokes..." Eeees and I are not the "hotel for Pesach" types. Even if we had the money to spend (which we don't), we wouldn't go for it. We feel that Pesach is best spent at home with family and/or friends and not in a hotel with a thousand other people. But that's just us. I have close relatives who *do* go away for Pesach to hotels. For them, it's okay. Who's to say that my way is the only way?
If Dayan Friedman is against hotels because of the environment, or the expense, or whatever, then he should just say so. Casting it in light of "... it bad because you won't clean your house" is, IMHO, fallacious. Ask yourself this question: if my parents lived in Chicago, and Eeees and I chose to go to their house for Pesach, would he *really* object and say "no, you should stay home and clean?" My guess would be no - he probably would not have any objections.
In addition, there's also the issue that arises from the fact that he clearly has many, many rabbanim who disagree with him. Who are these rabbanim, you ask? Well, they're quite easy to find... just open up the Jewish Press and look at the advertisements for Pesach getaways. Just about all of them feature who their scholars-in-residence are... and for some of these places, those scholars are "big name" scholars. By casting his remarks as he is, he is also casting aspersions on those rabbanim as well.
The bottom line is this: it's up to each family to decide how they want to spend Pesach. Provided that they aren't actually violating any issurim, just let them be. You may think (as I do) that it's not the ideal way to celebrate Pesach... but don't project your preferences upon everyone else.
The Wolf
Hat tip: VIN
Monday, March 26, 2007
Non-Jews At The Seder
It's interesting how one's perspective changes as one gets older and encounters situations in life that they never thought they'd encounter.
I had the opinion (and to some degree still do) that having non-Jews by the Seder is wrong. Not wrong as is "it's forbidden, you're violating a commandment, " but wrong as in "IMHO, it's not appropriate." Now, I've been by s'darim where non-Jews were present, and I must say that they have always been curious, respectful, and have always followed the requests of the hosts.
But the story of Pesach is the story of the redemption of the Jewish people from a slavery in a situation and manner that was unique to them at that time. Certainly other cultures can appreciate and identify with a set of rituals surrounding a story of redemption from slavery or freedom from oppression; but the method used on Pesach, with it's unique symbolism and history, is as unique to Judaism as a Juneteenth celebration is to the descendants of African slavery in America. Unlike most holidays, the celebration of Pesach is more personal, since it is we, the Jews, who were rescued from Egypt. Having other people there is, well... it just seems out of place.
Such was my thinking for years. I've never had a non-Jew by my seder. They've been by my Shabbos table, in my Sukkah, dipped apple in honey with us on Rosh HaShannah and even by my Pesach table (during the non-seder meals), but not at the seder itself.
Of course, it's easy to hold an opinion in the abstract. It's when the situation hits home that you really begin to consider how important your preconceived notions are.
Case in point: my brother. My brother recently married a girl who is not Jewish. She's a very nice person (I couldn't see him marrying someone who wasn't a nice person) who is kind and caring. She's pleasant to be around and is respectful to everyone, even in the knowledge that the family wasn't thrilled with the wedding plans.
Well, this will be the first year since the wedding that we will be having a seder that she will (probably) be attending. We could always have not invited them (and their son), but we chose to do so anyway. Eeees and I figured that if we don't invite them, there is the definite possibility that my brother will not go to a seder at all. Despite his marriage, he is still obligated in the mitzvos of matzah, marror, reciting the story of the Exodus, etc. as anyone else is... by not inviting him simply because I may not want his wife present, I may well cause him to not fulfill these mitzvos at all.
In addition, we want to actively hold out the possibility that he will be chozer b'tshuva. I firmly believe in the rule that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Eeees and I believe in maintaining strong contact with my brother and his family in the hopes of showing them that the door is always open to his return to a observant lifestyle. We respect and interact with his wife and son in the hopes that maybe they will see the beauty of such a lifestyle and want to lead one too (granted, the chances of this happening are not very likely, but you never know). Shunning them, however, was never considered -- by shunning them you are, in effect, closing the door to the possibility of his every observing the mitzvos again.
So, Eeees and I made the choice to invite them to the seder that we are hosting this year (we're only hosting one... we're going elsewhere for the first night). I have no doubt that my sister-in-law will be the perfect guest. I have no doubt that she'll look forward to the opportunity to have her son participate in the rituals and celebrations that are a part of his heritage (even if he isn't Jewish by our definition - and even if he's too young to understand any of it). For all this, I can put aside my discomfort.
You never know which action will be the one that will influence a person to make a decision in their life. You never know what little action may influence my brother to start keeping a mitzvah -- any one. If having my sister-in-law and nephew over for the seder tips him even slightly in the direction of deciding to stay home from work one Shabbos, or think twice about eating something non-kosher, or putting up a mezuzzah in his home, then it's worth it.
(Besides, my nephew is sooooooo cute. :) )
The Wolf
ADDENDUM: I just want to make it clear (since, as Baal Devarim pointed out, I didn't in the post above) that my relationship with my brother is not based on our hopes to have him become observant. I have other family members with whom I have absolutely no chance of ever influencing them to become observant -- and nonetheless we maintain contact with them, have them over at our house, etc. 'The relationship is not about trying to convert people to observance of the mitzvos -- it's about family and friendship.
That being said, it is no secret that we would love for our brother to become more observant - he knows it. But it's also not the basis of our relationship. He knows that we accept him -- and his wife and son (and any future children) -- even if he never becomes observant at all.
The Wolf
I had the opinion (and to some degree still do) that having non-Jews by the Seder is wrong. Not wrong as is "it's forbidden, you're violating a commandment, " but wrong as in "IMHO, it's not appropriate." Now, I've been by s'darim where non-Jews were present, and I must say that they have always been curious, respectful, and have always followed the requests of the hosts.
But the story of Pesach is the story of the redemption of the Jewish people from a slavery in a situation and manner that was unique to them at that time. Certainly other cultures can appreciate and identify with a set of rituals surrounding a story of redemption from slavery or freedom from oppression; but the method used on Pesach, with it's unique symbolism and history, is as unique to Judaism as a Juneteenth celebration is to the descendants of African slavery in America. Unlike most holidays, the celebration of Pesach is more personal, since it is we, the Jews, who were rescued from Egypt. Having other people there is, well... it just seems out of place.
Such was my thinking for years. I've never had a non-Jew by my seder. They've been by my Shabbos table, in my Sukkah, dipped apple in honey with us on Rosh HaShannah and even by my Pesach table (during the non-seder meals), but not at the seder itself.
Of course, it's easy to hold an opinion in the abstract. It's when the situation hits home that you really begin to consider how important your preconceived notions are.
Case in point: my brother. My brother recently married a girl who is not Jewish. She's a very nice person (I couldn't see him marrying someone who wasn't a nice person) who is kind and caring. She's pleasant to be around and is respectful to everyone, even in the knowledge that the family wasn't thrilled with the wedding plans.
Well, this will be the first year since the wedding that we will be having a seder that she will (probably) be attending. We could always have not invited them (and their son), but we chose to do so anyway. Eeees and I figured that if we don't invite them, there is the definite possibility that my brother will not go to a seder at all. Despite his marriage, he is still obligated in the mitzvos of matzah, marror, reciting the story of the Exodus, etc. as anyone else is... by not inviting him simply because I may not want his wife present, I may well cause him to not fulfill these mitzvos at all.
In addition, we want to actively hold out the possibility that he will be chozer b'tshuva. I firmly believe in the rule that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Eeees and I believe in maintaining strong contact with my brother and his family in the hopes of showing them that the door is always open to his return to a observant lifestyle. We respect and interact with his wife and son in the hopes that maybe they will see the beauty of such a lifestyle and want to lead one too (granted, the chances of this happening are not very likely, but you never know). Shunning them, however, was never considered -- by shunning them you are, in effect, closing the door to the possibility of his every observing the mitzvos again.
So, Eeees and I made the choice to invite them to the seder that we are hosting this year (we're only hosting one... we're going elsewhere for the first night). I have no doubt that my sister-in-law will be the perfect guest. I have no doubt that she'll look forward to the opportunity to have her son participate in the rituals and celebrations that are a part of his heritage (even if he isn't Jewish by our definition - and even if he's too young to understand any of it). For all this, I can put aside my discomfort.
You never know which action will be the one that will influence a person to make a decision in their life. You never know what little action may influence my brother to start keeping a mitzvah -- any one. If having my sister-in-law and nephew over for the seder tips him even slightly in the direction of deciding to stay home from work one Shabbos, or think twice about eating something non-kosher, or putting up a mezuzzah in his home, then it's worth it.
(Besides, my nephew is sooooooo cute. :) )
The Wolf
ADDENDUM: I just want to make it clear (since, as Baal Devarim pointed out, I didn't in the post above) that my relationship with my brother is not based on our hopes to have him become observant. I have other family members with whom I have absolutely no chance of ever influencing them to become observant -- and nonetheless we maintain contact with them, have them over at our house, etc. 'The relationship is not about trying to convert people to observance of the mitzvos -- it's about family and friendship.
That being said, it is no secret that we would love for our brother to become more observant - he knows it. But it's also not the basis of our relationship. He knows that we accept him -- and his wife and son (and any future children) -- even if he never becomes observant at all.
The Wolf
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)