Identities

The cover is blown... sort of.

Over Shabbos, I found out that I am not nearly as anonymous as I was a few weeks ago.  A recent post of mine was read by someone who knows the subject of the post, who then spread the word (not out of malice, but because they liked what I said in the post).

Truth to tell, I'm actually okay with it.  When I wrote the post I was well aware that there was a possibility that someone could identify me from the post.  If I were truly paranoid about my "secret identity" I probably would not have posted it to begin with (or at least altered it significantly more than I did).  So, I can't say that I'm totally shocked by this. 

In addition, I have no regrets about writing the post.  I was touched and moved by the events of the day...and I still am.  I thought that they deserved to be written about and shared... and I still do.  So I don't regret writing the post, even if it means that many more people know who I am.

In reality, I've been going back and forth on the whole "anonymous blogger" bit for a few years already.  Back in 2009, I was considering just coming out and revealing who I am*.  At the time, I simply chose to remain anonymous. Nonetheless, despite that decision, I did begin the "coming out" process.  I informed some close friends** and family members about my blog.  I posted about real-life people that I knew (even if it meant that their families would be able to identify me).  I even went to a blogger's meet-up without a mask and allowed myself to be photographed.  :)  In addition, many of the photographs that I post on this blog are posted elsewhere on the 'net under my real name.  It was probably only a matter of time before someone saw one of my pictures and said to him/herself, "Hey, didn't I see that picture somewhere else..."

With all that being said, however, I'm not going to be revealing my name here.  I expect that if you really wanted to find out who I am, you could probably do it without too much difficulty.  If you know me in real life and want to ask me about my blog, by all means, feel free to ask.  If you don't know me in real life... well, my name probably wouldn't mean anything to you anyway.  I'm not a famous (or infamous) person... just a regular frum guy in Brooklyn posting on a blog.  So, there's not going to be any "grand announcement" of my identity... but I'm not going to be paranoid about it either.  I guess you can call it "pseudo-anonymous."

For those of you who do know me in real life and are aware of this blog, I ask you to please not make any public announcements.  If someone asks you directly if the Wolf is so-and-so, by all means, don't lie.  But please don't just give it out to every Tom, Dick or Harry who asks without reason (and I leave it up to your discretion as to whether it's a good reason or not).

Thanks,

The Wolf

* Not that my real name would probably mean anything to you.  I'm not a famous person.
** If you're reading this and you're thinking "we must not be close because he never told me..." please don't think that way.  If you never expressed an interest in blogs one way or the other, then there would have been no reason for me to mention it.   

My Goodness... I Didn't Expect That.

I've got to say, when I asked for opinions, I certainly didn't expect that. All I was really looking for was a simple "yes, they're justified in asking" or "no, they're over the line." I certainly wasn't looking to cover how charity recipients ought to spending their free time/money.

For the record, I hate closing off debate on a matter. I happen to love a good debate and will be more than happy to argue almost any issue, provided it's done in a civil and polite manner. Apparently, for some people, that wasn't possible. The fact that people who know me in real life felt the need to intervene also factored into my decision to close off comments.

For the record, I don't owe anyone on this site an explanation on my finances and personal situation -- the specific question I asked does not require me to justify asking for a tuition break. Nonetheless, I would like to make a few points.

Firstly, as most people are well aware (and as was made amply clear in the comments to the previous post) a full-tuition payer pays not only the tuition for his/her kid/s, but also helps to subsidize the cost of someone else. If one asks for a break down to the true cost of educating one's child, they are not "taking charity;" they are merely asking to be excused from *giving* to that particular charity. Not nice? Maybe -- but it's still not actually taking charity money.

That being said, I don't know what the true cost of educating my kid is. Neither, for that matter, do I think that anyone outside of the financial office of a school. Is my request beyond that point? To be fair, I don't know -- but if it is, it's probably not much beyond that.

For those that suggested that I don't have a right to go to school, allow me to tell you a little story.

About ten years ago, I was working in customer service. At that time, I was a young father of three earning less than $25,000 a year. Realizing that I needed to change my financial life (because very few families of five can get by on less than $25K a year), I took a year and spent about $3,000 to enroll in a certificate program in computer programming. Yes, I was receiving tuition breaks at the time (as you can imagine with that salary), but I chose to make the investment in my future. Thanks to that investment, not only do I have a much better salary now, but I have been able to pay more to my kids' schools. Yes, I suppose you could make the case that I should have given the money to the schools, but as it turns out, the schools have benefited far more than the $3,000 I spent.

As for my belongings, I will make the following two comments:

The megillah does belong to me. I won it in a Chinese Auction about fifteen years ago. I get extensive use out of it. I don't think that the money I spent on the auction fifteen years ago has any relevance to the here and now.

The camera *was* purchased by me a few years ago. Yes, it was a luxury, but a rather rare one. I'm willing to accept some criticism from those who say I shouldn't have bought it -- but not from those who say that I shouldn't spend time with it now that I have it.

Those people who would begrudge me the time I spend shooting pictures, all I can really say is "get a life." I don't have to justify to you (or anyone else) if I spend a few minutes doing something I enjoy. The fact of the matter is that we all need diversions -- for me, it happens to be photography. Everyone needs to have some enjoyment in life and everyone is entitled (within reason) to pursue his/her hobbies. I don't think the few minutes or so that I spend shooting pictures is harming anyone. If you disagree, then so be it - but I don't have to justify it to you.

I thank all those who stood up in my defense. I also thank those participated in a civil manner - even if they were critical of me. For those who chose to attack, well, I suppose there's nothing I can say that will make you happy anyway.

I'm not going to allow comments on this post either. If you want to discuss the original issue or this post, feel free to email me. I can't promise I'll respond to everyone (I am fairly busy), but if you're willing to discuss things civilly, I'll try to respond.

The Wolf

What Happened To My Old Blogger Comments?

I was just reading an old post of mine and I noticed that there were no comments on the post. I know that that was odd because I *remember* receiving comments on that post.

Looking further, I see that none of my pre-May 2006 posts have comments. They're all just... gone.

Does anyone else have this problem on their blog? Do you know the cause?

Thanks,

The Wolf

Not Abandoned

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I want to let you all know that I'm not retiring, nor "fading into the night." I've been a bit busy between school, work, photography projects and family (not necessarily in that order). In addition, I've been suffering from a bad case of writer's block and some small measure of general disgust over some of the stuff that goes on. But don't worry, I'm still here and have every intention to continue posting.

The Wolf

Is Anyone Having Problems Commenting?

I've received two emails from readers today stating that they cannot comment on posts. At first I wondered if this was because I went to in-line comments, but then again, I've had them for a few weeks now. Also, this seems to be a problem across multiple browsers.

Is anyone else out there having problems? If so, please feel free to drop me an email (link on the side of the blog).

Thanks,

The Wolf

Update (12:09PM): I put back the old "pop up box" type commenting. Let's see if that solves the problem.

Off Topic: My Goal: 155 or Bust!

OK, here's the personal announcement that I alluded to two weeks ago:

For those of you who have met me in real life, you know that I am not a skinny person. On the contrary, I'm rather overweight.

Furthermore, for those of you who know me, I wasn't always this way. About three years ago, I weighed in at 247 pounds. At that point, I didn't like the way I looked, I was always feeling run down and, in general, wasn't as happy as I felt I could be.

So, I trudged myself down to the local Weight Watchers center and bought their plan lock, stock and barrel. I stuck to it faithfully for eleven months, and in June of 2005, I was down to 152 pounds -- a total loss of 95 pounds. People told me that I was half the man I used to be, although, in reality, I was about 62% of the person I was.

What I liked about the WW program was that it didn't restrict the foods you could eat (like the Atkins diet). Instead, it focused on teaching you to eat properly. You learn how to make intelligent food decisions -- how to properly plan portion sizes, how to allocate your food budget over the course of the day, and how to make trade-offs for the foods that you want to eat. I liked the fact that if I wanted to have ice cream, I could... I just had to allocate enough points* for it.

Independently of WW, I also began to realize that there were certain behaviors that were causing me to gain weight. I found that whenever I sat down to watch TV, I had to have food. Even if I wasn't hungry, I'd find myself in the kitchen rummaging around for something to eat while watching that Simpsons episode. If I was reading, I would often need to be stuffing my face at the same time as well... and I read a lot. If there was food on my plate, I would be terribly disturbed by the thought of wasting it, so I ate it... even if I wasn't hungry. By recognizing these behaviors, I was able to learn to change them, so that I wouldn't have to have the bag of chips just to watch television. I learned that it's OK if I don't eat every last bit of food on my plate.

Sadly, over the course of the last two years, it seems that I've unlearned these things. I once again find myself going to the pantry just to watch TV. I find myself feeling that I have to finish everything on my plate. I find myself eating even when I'm not hungry. And, I have stopped keeping track of what I am eating. Sadly, as a result, I've put back almost all of the weight that I worked so hard to lose. I don't think I'm back up to 247 yet, but I'm pretty sure that I'm in the 240 range.

Of course, there are other options. Skipper had the stomach band surgery a while back. A brother-in-law of mine had it done as well. My aunt and stepmother had the bypass surgery. But I'm not going to go either of these routes for several reasons:

1. For starters, I'm pretty confident that I can lose the weight again through diet and exercise.
2. I see the adjustments that Skipper and others have to make in their lives for this surgery. The changes to their eating habits are far more extreme than any changes that I made when I lost the weight three years ago.
3. I am one of those odd people who (thank God) has never broken a bone, never had an operation and never needed stitches. I'd like to keep it that way.

So, I'm off. After Shabbos, I'm going to step on the scale and I'll know my starting point. I'll probably put a ticker on the top of this blog so that people can see, at a glance where I'm holding. In addition, I set up another blog (no reason to bore everyone here about my weight loss unless they want to read about it) where I'll provide notes on my progress, on things that I learn (or re-learn) and hopefully give advice to others who ask.

Here's looking forward to the journey: 155 or bust!

The Wolf

* Under the Weight Watchers system, each food is assigned a point value based on the calories, fat and dietary fiber in the food. Each person is allocated a certain number of points that they can eat during the day.

Two Quick Notes

1. Eeees and I are going away for a few days. I might put up some pics of where we're going, but I probably won't be posting anything of substance to the Jewish community until I get back.

2. Be prepared for a personal announcement sometime in the next week or two. Again, strictly personal... nothing to do with the Jewish community as a whole.

The Wolf

(Don't worry. I'm not quitting blogging. I'm having far too much fun doing this.)

A Clarification on my earlier post (re: Jonathan Pollard)

I have been contacted by the people working to secure a release for Jonathan Pollard. Apparently, they read something into my earlier post that I did not put there. Therefore I want to clear any ambiguity about what I said.

When the president of the shul was speaking, he was making the case that Jonathan Pollard was innocent of the charges upon which he was convicted. He was using *that* basis to make a comparison to Alfred Dreyfus. The people working on Pollard's behalf took my comments to mean that there is no basis for *any* comparison between Alfred Dreyfus and Jonathan Pollard, which is not what I said or meant to imply. I did not mean to say that Pollard and Dreyfus were not comparable at all, but rather that comparing Pollard to Dreyfus in terms of their *innocence of all charges* was wrong and deceitful, as even the people working to secure Jonathan's release acknowledge that he was guilty of (and only of) one count of passing classified information to an ally.

If my point was not clear and resulted in misinformation, I humbly apologize.

While I don't like to censor my commentators, I would greatly appreciate if people would, in the comments, stick to the point of what I said and not turn this into a debate on Jonathan Pollard, as that wasn't even the main point of my earlier post.

The Wolf

Unintended Consequences

Yeesh. When I wrote this post, all I wanted to do was to highlight the absurdity of claiming that 80% of divorces were caused by computers. Of course, I had to open my big mouth (or is it my big keyboard in this case) and cite examples... and that's what's been the biggest reaction yet.

Believe it or not, I've now gotten emails from both the Jews for Jesus camp and the Jonathan Pollard camp about my post. Of course, neither Jews for Jesus, nor Jonathan Pollard were the real point of the post; but that sort of got lost in all the emails that I get. Just about the only people who haven't written to complain are the rabbis who handle gittin. :)

To be honest, I don't really mind the letters. After all, I have just as much a right to be called on the carpet if I make stupid statements -- and there are times that I do (not that I think this was such a time... but I'm certain that there are other times when I say things that are stupid). Furthermore, I always enjoy a good argument and I always encourage my readers to contact me and let me know when they think I've made a mistake. I'll defend myself and, no doubt, I'll win some arguments and lose some. But I always value your input. Just keep in mind that while I try to respond to every email I get, I do have a life outside of this blog, and so sometimes an answer may not be coming immediately.

The Wolf

OT: Blogger vs. Haloscan

I received an email from a reader who suggested that I switch to Haloscan commenting. Personally, I've found that Blogger has worked well for me over the last two years, but I'm not married to the Blogger commenting system and if Haloscan would be better, I'd definitely consider it. I've perused the Haloscan website a bit and found nothing that sends up any immediate red flags.

I'm curious how those who have Haloscan consider it? Is it better than Blogger? Do you regret switching? Are there any pitfalls that I should know about before I leap? In short, any advice you'd care to offer would be helpful.

The Wolf

It Appears I May Have To Apologize

This week's Letters To The Editor section of the Jewish Press contains the following notice:

Note to Readers: A letter appeared in last week’s issue purporting to be from a “Rabbi Rick Probstein.” We have since learned that the letter was not from someone named Rick Probstein. Though we make every effort to verify the identity of readers who submit letters for publication, the system obviously failed in this instance. We apologize for the error.

If that's truly the case, then I, too, have to offer my apologies to Rabbi Probstein. As such, if he truly did not write the letter in question, then I offer my apologies to him for identifying him as the source of the letter.

(Please note that this doesn't change my feelings about the sentiment expressed in the letter - it just means that I [and, apparently others as well] have lashed out at the wrong target.)

The Wolf

A Note On RSS Feeds...

Just a word of warning...

I've been going back and labeling my old posts. This may cause some of them to reappear as new on your RSS feed.

The Wolf

Blogiversary

It's been two years since I made my first post to this blog. In that time, I've learned a lot about Judaism and the Jewish community:

I've learned that many things in the Jewish community are not black-and-white -- as I once thought they were.

I've learned that there are others like me who have questions and concerns about textual literalism, science and hashkafah, the expertise (and lack of it in certain areas) of our Sages (Chazal) and the direction that some segments of the Jewish community have taken.

I've learned that there is, in fact, a wide range of opinion on issues within the Jewish community and that it's not always "my way or the highway."

I've learned that Jews don't have to fit a certain mold to be good Jews; that all people, no matter their level of observance, have good qualities and bad qualities, and that Chazal were dead-on correct when they said that you *can* learn something from everyone -- regardless of their level of observance and learning.

It's been a quite a journey -- I've enjoyed every moment of writing this blog, and hope to continue to do so for many more years to come. I can honestly say that this blog has changed me -- and I do believe I have been changed for the better.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has read my posts, to everyone who has commented and everyone who has referred me to others. Thank you for the comments, for the private emails, for the advice, the criticism (yes, even the biting criticism from you, Mis-nagid!) and the encouragement.

Lastly, I want to thank Eeees for being there for me all the time. She has provided valuable insight and material for this blog and it would have been very difficult, if not impossible, to do this without her insight or support. Thank you dear, for everything you do for me.

The Wolf

A note about emailing me....

I enjoy it when readers email me... please feel free to do so. However, I just recently looked in my Gmail account and found a bunch of old letters from various readers. This is because I mistakenly left the GMail account as the Email address in my profile. That has been changed.

Please be advised that I rarely (if ever) check my Gmail box. The best way to reach me is at the address listed in the header of my blog or by clicking the "Email me!" link at left.

In any event, feel free to send me mail at GMail, but don't expect a quick answer. :)

The Wolf

Sorry for the absence...

I want to thank those who wrote to me expressing concern about my absence. I have been a bit busy of late, and have also had to deal with a (non-life-threatening) medical condition. Baruch Hashem, both situations are coming under control and so I hope to be posting more often again.

The Wolf

Yes, I've Officially Sold Out...

... and put advertising on the blog. I'm still of two minds about it, however, and may take the ads down.

Feel free to tell me your feelings on the matter. Ultimately, if my readers don't like it, I'll probably remove it.

The Wolf