This is
part of the reason why molestation is a big problem in our community.
No, the
man in the video is not a molester. To
my knowledge, he has never actively
tried to shield molesters either.
But his attitude towards molestation is simply horrific.
In the
video, he sits and jokes -- JOKES -- about molestation. He apparently believes
that being molested is no big deal. At
one point he compares it to having a case of diarrhea. At another point, he claims that it's worse
to miss saying Al HaMichya (the blessing said after eating grain-based
products) than to be molested.
It would
be bad enough if the person were just an ordinary person. However, this isn't just anybody. The man in the video is Rabbi Manis
Friedman, a prominent figure in the Chabad-Lubavitch community. This is
a man who is a leader in one of our communities.
Personally,
I find it repugnant that anyone can take the issue of molestation so cavalierly
that he can smile and make wise-cracks about it. I find it doubly so when they do so in
public. I also find it repugnant how he
seems to feel that molestation victims have no right to be upset about what was
done to them, or that it's no worse than having a teacher who unfairly picks on
you.
Personally,
I find it amazing that Rabbi Friedman takes this position. About six years ago, Rabbi Friedman wrote an article making the implication that children conceived through IVF or other
similar methods are spiritually and emotionally deficient. He took the position that if a child is conceived
in other-than-ideal circumstances (i.e. parents who are angry with each other
or drunk at the time of intercourse, or worse, when there is no sexual
intercourse at all), then the child born under such circumstances can be
negatively impacted. He stated that such
children can feel unloved or unwanted.
He even speculated that much of the unexplained dysfunction that we see
with children has its roots in the circumstances of their conception.
I find
it mind-boggling that Rabbi Friedman believes that the circumstances of one's
conception, which the person cannot possibly know, feel or remember in any way,
should negatively impact a him or her, but molestation, which the victim
certainly knows, feels and remembers, should simply be brushed off as a lesson
learned about whom to not trust.
How
anyone can be so clueless about molestation is beyond me. The fact that he believes that molestation
victims should just forget it and move on shows him to be incredibly ignorant
on the subject. The fact that he smirks
and jokes about it shows him to be uncaring and unfeeling. The fact that the leaders of our community can be so clueless and callous about it as to sit and crack jokes about molestation and its victims, goes a long way to explaining why molestation is still a problem in our community.
The Wolf
UPDATE: (2/1/13 10:45 EST) Rabbi Friedman has apologized for his remarks. The full text of his apology follows.
UPDATE: (2/1/13 10:45 EST) Rabbi Friedman has apologized for his remarks. The full text of his apology follows.
I want to apologize for my completely inappropriate use of language when discussing sexual abuse. I have always believed in the importance of empowering victims of all kinds to move forward in building their lives. In my zeal to reinforce that belief, I came across as being dismissive of one of the worst crimes imaginable.For that I am deeply sorry.
Molestation is a devastating crime, violating the intimacy and innocence of the pure and defenseless. The victim is left feeling that there is something wrong with the world in which they live. Perpetrators of molestation should be reported to the police and prosecuted appropriately. Any person, organization or entity that stands by silently is abetting in the crime.
From now on, I will make sure to make those points absolutely clear. This is about more than regret. The subject can't be neglected.
I hope over time to earn the forgiveness of those who were hurt by my words.
