Whatever Happened to Civility and Basic Respect?

This past Tisha B'Av, a group of Chassidim (I believe they were Neturai Karta, but I could be wrong about that) protested in New York against Rav Shteinman and his support of the Tal Law in Israel which allows for a chareidi army unit.  In the course of the protest, at least one of them loudly proclaims that Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman is a "Rusha M'Rusha" (extremely wicked person) and says "Y'mach Sh'mo" (may his name be erased) after his name. 

Long time readers of my blog know that I do not ascribe to the doctrine of rabbinic infallibility.  I believe that it is possible for gedolim, including Rav Shteinman to be in error*.  So, if you believe that Rav Shteinman is wrong,  I have no problem with someone marshaling forth their arguments and making their case, even forcefully.

But there's a very clear and distinct line between forceful, civil disagreement and outright disrespect and outright demonization --- and the people in this video completely blew past that line.  To call someone who is generally acknowledged to be one of the greatest living sages extremely wicked and to use the epithet "y'mach sh'mo" -- an epithet reserved for only the most reviled people in history is, in my humble opinion, completely and utterly beyond the pale. 

I can't help but think that their version of "shivim panim laTorah" (that there are seventy facets to the Torah) is similar to Henry Ford's idea of choice of color for the Model-T -- the customer can "have any color so long as it's black."  It's one thing to believe that your path is legitimate.  It's quite something else to believe that only your own narrow ideology is correct and that anyone even slightly outside it is not just wrong, but a wicked person whose name deserved to be wiped out. 

Interestingly enough, I see the same thing happening in other places as well.  For example, in a recent thread on the YWN Coffeeroom, a discussion cropped up about the recent earthquake and Hurricane Irene both hitting the northeastern United States in such close proximity.  Some posters felt that there was a Divine message there.  One poster (ronrsr) stated that it was mere coincidence.  Another poster decided to attack that position by saying:

sorry, ronrsr, to call this a coincidence is pure apikorsus

Let's leave aside the fact that that ronrsr's respondent clearly doesn't know what constitutes apikorsus.  What disturbs me far more than his ignorance is the fact that the respondent sees no possible middle ground between his own opinion and heresy.  In his eyes, it seems, it's not possible to simply be wrong (let alone have an alternate, legitimate opinion).   Instead of being incorrect, his disputant has to be labelled as an apikorus -- possibly the worst designation you can give to a Jew. 

Whatever happened to the idea of respectful disagreement?  Whatever happened to the idea that someone could be wrong but they don't have to be demonized?  In short, what ever happened to common civility? 


The Wolf


*  I personally don't know enough about the issue to say whether Rav Shteinman is right or wrong on the issue.  The issue here is not whether Rav Shteinman is right or wrong, just that it is within the realm of possibility that he is wrong.

Am I A Deviant? I Think That Some Jews Would Think I Am...

In the comments to this post, a topic sprung up about the propriety of common courtesy vis-a-vis tznius. In the post, I mentioned that I was fairly certain that Rabbi Falk (of the famed tznius sefer Oz V'Hadar Levushah) would allow someone to say "thank you" to a person of the opposite gender who held a door open. Two people (Joseph and Rabbi Waxman over at his blog) have rightfully pointed out that it's entirely possible that Rabbi Falk would not permit it.

Truth be told, I don't know what Rav Falk holds. If anyone knows him personally, I'd love to hear what he has to say. But that aside, it's not really about Rav Falk, because (as Joseph pointed out), even if Rav Falk does not hold that way, there almost certainly is someone who does.

Upon reflection, I realize that to whomever holds that position, I must be a really dangerous deviant. After all, I am routinely (multiple times daily) guilty of the following breaches of tznius according to that position:

• If a woman holds a door open for me, I actually have the nerve to say "thank you" to her.
• If I bump into a woman on the subway, or step on her toe, or hit her with my bag, I actually say "I'm sorry."
• When I get on the bus in the morning and evening, I say "good morning" or "good evening" to the bus driver -- regardless of the gender of the driver.
• When I pass people on Shabbos* I say "Good Shabbos" to them if they appear to be Jewish, or "good morning/afternoon/evening" to them if they don't appear to be Jewish.
• When I walk into the local grocery, I say good morning, etc. to the person behind the counter, who just as often is a woman as is a man.
• I say hello to the person at a checkout counter when I buy something -- and yes, often times that person is a woman.

I suppose that with these multiple lapses of tznius that I commit daily, there are those in some communities who would view me as downright lecherous.

In the comments to my previous post, Joseph expressed a concern that such common courtesy can lead to inapporopriate behavior. In his viewpoint (and others, I suppose) the fact that a torrid affair could arise from a "thank you" is enough grounds to prohibit it. But in truth, I think he vastly overstates the danger. The odds of a simple "thank you" leading to something inappropriate are so remote as to be negligble. Does it happen? I'm sure it does sometimes -- but not enough to make a general rule of rudeness about it. Making such a rule falls right into the "If Only One..." fallacy.

The Wolf

* I do so sometimes on weekdays too, but more often people are rushing on weekdays and don't want to be bothered.