I came across this interesting post on Semgirl about some of the madness that goes on in the shidduch world. We've all heard some of the silly and stupid reasons that result in shidduchim being called off. Well, I think Semgirl spotted a new all-time low. As she writes:
A friend of mine really worked overtime, laboriously for months, making a Shidduch. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy , blaaaa blaa, blaaa. Wonderful, they get engaged.
So far, so good, right? Of course not!
One set of in-laws was adamant that the Choson wear his payos up, the other was just as adamant that he wear them down. Ultimately, it proved to be such a bone of contention that the engagement was called off.
That's right... a difference of opinion amongst the in-laws regarding how the Chosson should wear his payos caused the shidduch to be called off. Now, I'm going to go out on a limb here and make the assumption that both the bride and groom are adults. I'm also going to go on the assumption (and I know that I'm making a real leap of faith here) that the groom has a prefernce in the way he wears them (how has he been wearing them until now?) and that the bride has the brain cells necessary to make a decision regarding how important an issue this is for her. But here we have a set of forty-to-sixty year olds arguing over how an adult is going to wear his payos!! This has to be the absolute stupidest reason for the breakup of a shidduch ever.
I find it completely incredible that people are willing to completely abdicate all responsibility for the biggest decision in their lives to others. Whom someone marries is probably the single decision that will have the greatest impact on the rest of the person's life. I'm not suggesting that young people should have to make this decision alone -- on the contrary, it would be the smart and responsible thing to do to seek the guidence of parents, friends, mentors and other people whom you trust. But to *completely* hand over such responsibility to the point where the the in-laws are arguing over payos? What was the bride's opinion on the matter? Isn't this something that they could have worked out amongst themselves (or broken it off by themselves if, for whatever reason, this was a deal-breaker)? Heck, isn't this the type of thing she would have seen on the first date?! Since they went out several times (yes, an assumption on my part) and this wasn't an issue for her before the engagement, I'm assuming that to her it wasn't an issue. Yet, rather than acting like an adult and telling her parents (in a respectful manner, of course) that she doesn't care one way or the other, or that she'll work it out with him, she decides to let her parents scuttle the shidduch!
At least in this case, according to Semgirl, there was a happy ending:
After much heated negotiation and mediation, they got back together. Even though, the Shadchan was in Israel on business, they were cajoled into proceding , as its such a volatile situation, it was too risky to wait . I kid you not.
One wonders what sort of "heated negotiation" there could be regarding payos. But then again, I guess because I'm not in that world, I just can't understand the insanity.
Singles -- Learn To Think For Yourselves!